Schwarting - CAPS 6

What makes a person a friend is that friends share more personal and private information (Martin & Nakayam, 2012). According to Kurt Lewin (1948), friendship came be divided into three circles of depth.  The first circle is the outer boundary that includes superficial information.  The middle circle includes more personal information like history and family background.  Lastly, the middle circle is the most personal of information.  Sometimes we do not share this information with anyone.  European Americans disclose a wide range of superficial information but do not give out personal information very easily while Latino/a, Asian American and African American students give out very little information (Collier, 1996).

Murphy and myself

My best friend, Murphy, and I have know each other since freshman year of college.  We are in a group called enactus, formally known as SIFE, together, we are roommates, and have the same mentality.  We are very similar, but then again, very different.  We experienced the differences-similarities dialectic.  What made me first become friends with her is because of the similarity principle.  We both were in enactus together, both freshman, both business administration majors and taking the same classes.  I had a lot in common with her which made us a have a understanding and a want to get to know each other better.  Once we started to dive in to our relationship, we learned much more about each other that would differentiate ourselves. 

I would later find out that she was from Janesville Wisconsin, had a younger sister and brother, and was in a sorority.  Little by little we would share more about ourselves and the moment that I felt a true connection with her is when we were in Chicago for an enactus competition.  We were on the train going into downtown Chicago when she shared with me that she had lost her mother to cancer when she was in the 5^th grade.  I did not know it then but what she had just told me would explain the way her personality is, how she acts and the drive behind all of her hard work.

Murphy and I on the left at relay for life

Murphy is a motivated, very hard working and independent woman.  She does not rely on anyone but herself but is willing to give her time and effort to anyone who needs help.  She had to be independent and grow up very fast since she was the oldest child and had to help her father raise her siblings.  Living with her, I have learned she is very direct and to the point about things because that is the way her father ran his business and their household. 

Our history is different but our paths are the same.  We both want to help cancer patients by providing them nannies to help alleviate the stress of everyday life while going through chemo.  We both want to graduate and go on to work for successful business firms and we both want to someday have a family and be a mother.  So, even though we are very different in the way we act, talk or think, we share a common goal which makes us best friends.

Knowing the different dialects of communication helps you understand people better.  Since I realized Murphy had a very different upbringing then I did, I did not get upset when she turned down an idea I would have and she doesn’t get upset with me when I beat around the bush.  Being able to see the different dialectics makes you communicate and have better relationships with people who are different then you.  I am very grateful for all the relationships I have in my life that make me more knowledgeable and understanding person.     

References:

Martin, J. N., & Nakayama, T. K. (2012). Intercultrural Communication in Contexts. Chicago: McGraw Hill.