Hilgemann CAPS 6

                Much in the same way that learning another language allows one to learn more about their native language, intercultural friendships force people to examine their own cultural background.  When used in such a manner, intercultural relationships can be very beneficial to both participants. Martin supports this point by stating that “The potential rewards and opportunities in these relationships are tremendous.” Martin later posits that the benefits of an intercultural relationship include acquiring knowledge about the world, breaking stereotypes, and acquiring new skills (2012). I have been fortunate to be exposed to many intercultural relationships through my travels. In particular, I would like to discuss my relationships with my friend Julius, who was my German counterpart in a short exchange program I participated in Braunschweig, Germany. In the spring of 2008 he spent a month living with my family in Omaha, and over the summer I spent a month with his family in Germany. Our friendship characterized some topics describe by Martin, including the privilege-disadvantage dialect and relationship styles.

                Power is a difficult thing to quantify. In my relationship with Julius, I certainly would not say that one of us intentionally exerted a significant amount of power over the other.  The power in the relationship came primarily from our evolving environment. For example, when we were in the US, I held almost all the power in the relationship. After all, we were speaking my language, hanging out with my friends, and going to my school. The roles naturally switched when I went to Germany, spoke Julius’s language, and lived on his terms. Even though at various points in our relationship, each person had an lopsided sided amount of power, that has not negatively affected our relationships. As a matter of fact, it may have strengthened our friendship because we had to rely on each depending on what country we were in. Due to the fluidity of our relationship, the dynamic also nicely exemplifies the static-dynamic dialect.

                Martin describes three styles of working out the power balance in a relationship: submissive, compromise, and obliteration (2012). Martin relates the styles to marriage, but I think the topic can be more widely applied to other intercultural relationships. Anyone living within another cultural setting, regardless of who they are friends with, has to make decisions on whether they desire to be completely absorbed into the host culture or retain their own distinct values. In reality, this conversation overlaps with Martins discussion on Migrant-Host relationships in Chapter 8. In my case, I would argue that Julius and I exhibited s submissive style of interaction, which was once again of a dynamic nature. Martin describes the submissive style where one partner yields to the other’s cultural patterns (2012). In my friendship with Julius, he would have been submissive to the American culture while in the US. It follows that I was submissive to the German culture while in Germany. To expand on the point, while in Germany, I was expected to live and act as a German would. I think this was difficult when we were in each other’s cultures because of the natural differences. For example, Germans tend to value their privacy more than Americans do. In their homes, they prefer to keep doors closed and have more compartmentalized floor plans (Flippo, n.d.). Something like that may not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but it is still a difference on must adapt to.

                Intercultural relationships are more prevalent than the simple case where one has a friend in another country. Even between people with similar geographic and national identities, major differences can exist in religion, gender, age, and interests. It is important that we can take what we have learned from interactions with people from other cultures, and apply it to our everyday friendships where cultural variations may not be as obvious at first glance, but certainly do exist.

Flippo, H. (n.d).Cultural Differences: The USA and Germany. Retrieved from http://www.german-way.com

Martin, J.N., & Nakayama, T.K. (2012). Intercultural Communication in Contexts (6th ed.). Boston, MA: McGraw Hill.