CAPS #6 - Sueverkruepp

While reading through the chapter, I found myself relating many of the relationships that have helped shaped me to the principles in the chapter.  True personal growth stems from the ability to meta-cognate about the choice we have made, and friendships are a huge factor in determining why we act in certain ways.  To compare an intercultural relationship, I found that the differences-similarities dialect would be the perfect dialect to compare my friend Katie and myself.   I’ve known my friend Katie for about eight years, and it’s definitely been one journey of a friendship. 

To begin, I’m going to lay down the foundation of our basic characteristics and beliefs.  I am 21 years old, and I am a senior Child, Youth, and Family Studies major at the University of Nebraska – Lincoln.  I grew up in Grand Island, Nebraska, where I graduated from Northwest High School.  I am married, and I would describe myself as being a Christian.  I don’t really identify with any particular party, but if I did, I would consider myself more of an “independent Republican”.  Some things I love to do include listening to music and going to concerts, performing, working with children, hanging out with my husband, friends and family, and crafting.  I would consider myself to be more of an introvert, but I have no problem being outgoing when I’m around people whom I am comfortable with.  My friend Katie is 22 years old, and still lives in Grand Island, where she attended Central Community College.  She also graduated from Northwest (she was one year ahead of me) and she’s currently engaged to her longtime boyfriend, who she has an infant daughter with.  She doesn’t associate herself with any particular religion, but she likes to maintain a tolerant perspective towards all religions.  She also doesn’t like politics, but she does consider herself to lean Democratic.  She also enjoys music (she’s introduced me to some of my favorite bands) and she considers herself to be a big nerd because of some of her hobbies.  Like myself, Katie is very introspective and empathetic, and prefers to maintain introverted, but can be extroverted with her “live life with no regrets” lifestyle. 

Looking back on our relationship, the similarity principle (Martin & Nakayama, p. 398) -which says that people are essentially attracted to people they think are like themselves- was not involved at all in the start of our friendship.  Katie had blue hair when I first met her in speech, and I was your stereotypical freshman on student council.  Our first real conversation happened when we discovered we both hated top 40 music, and we started to talk about what bands we did like.  As our friendship blossomed and we began to disclose more to each other, we were able to challenge each other to come out of our shells (me with my creativity, and Katie with her beliefs about faith especially).  Her friendship has been very important to me, because throughout all of our years together, she’s always been able to challenge me to look at the way that I view my life and the way that I live it.  We’re very different people, but our similarities for how we view relationships and ideas is what keeps our friendship strong. 

Resources: 

Martin, J.N., & Nakayama, K.K. (2012). Intercultural Communication in Contexts (6^th ed.) Boston MA: McGraw Hill

Freeman #6

According to the book the benefits of  relationships include (1) acquiring knowledge about the world, (2) breaking stereotypes.  I feel that intercultural relationships are things that are very important and something that I have been lucky enough to expirence a lot since I have come to Nebraska.  Sharing time with people from differnt cultures has really opened my eyes to what the rest of the world is like.  

The people that I will talk about are connections that I made as a member of the UNL tennis team.  Tennis is a sport that is very international and when I arrived in 2008 2/3 of the team was foreign mainly German.  This was a very eye opening experience for me because prior to joining the team I can't say that I had any experience with people from different cultural backgrounds.  It took me a while to feel comfortable around these individuals and act the way that I normally would mainly because I didn't quite know what to expect from them, or how they would act.  I'd say that it took me almost a full year to feel 100% around these individuals even though they where my teamates.  After tdon't me I realized that they were very similar to myself and that we all had a common intrest in tennis, today I know that they are some of the best friends that I have at the University and I have spent so much time with them that I don't even think of them as foreign except for the fact that they like soccer better than football they are very similar to Americans.

Although I have never been to Europe based on the expirences that I have had with my teamates I haved realized that it is a place that I would love to visit someday, mainly Germany a country that I never thought I would want to visit before I came to college.  The video I have posted talks about foregin college students and how school in the United States might be different for them.

Haugen--Intercultural Friendship!

CAPS 6

            In describing intercultural friendships, Martin and Nakayama create a paradox when they explain that individuals befriend people who are similar to themselves, yet opposite personalities attract one another (393). I believe the authors nailed the description of Western culture friendships. I immediately imagined the dozens of superficial greetings exchanged on the University campus each morning. Americans are spontaneous and frequent friend-makers. In some ways we benefit from this tendency because it’s quite easy to find someone to go have a drink with you on Friday night, but the superficiality proves troublesome when crises happen and only the closest friends remain.

            I have one particularly awesome intercultural friendship that I’d like to share with you all. During my semester abroad in Spain I grew close with my host mommy, the fabulous Mama Rosa! Rosa is a wonderful, outgoing and hilarious woman who is fortunate enough to live along the Mediterranean coast in Málaga (southern Spain). Lookit how adorable she is!

          Mama Rosa and I bonded over a shared love of coffee, travel, family and good movies. We’d stay up late watching Spanish flicks and talking about life. Our family histories, we found, are remarkably similar as are our personalities and senses of humor.

          Our differences are visible, but irrelevant in my mind. The communication dialects that came to mind are the Cultural-Individual dialect and the Static-Dynamic. Mama Rosa, as the surname suggests, is quite a bit older than I—old enough to be my mother. Our relationship, however, isn’t so maternal. Rather, we act like straight-up amigas having beers and tanning on the beach. Observe:

          The other major difference lies in language in culture. I attribute most of my Spanish capabilities to this woman and her awesome (sometimes crass) vocabulary. Rosa also taught me a great deal about Spanish culture, and I a fair amount about American culture. Our friendship, then, consists of various cross-cultural references. For instance, we love dancing to Train or Amy Winehouse while drinking Cartojal, a sinfully delicious Spanish wine.

          Though we live so far from each other, Facebook is essential to the maintenance of our friendship. We share weekly happenings, talk about the fam, boys, what have you. I was lucky enough to get to return to Spain this past summer, so we got to reinvigorate our relationship even more. In the meantime, however, our relationship changes and remains strong through the use of technology. For example, my best friend (and fellow roomie at Rosa’s crib ) and I made a fantastic video for her to let her know about the things we missed. The video’s in Spanish, but I’m sure you could get the gist of what’s going on.

It's this link!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQhPzwEqVJA&feature=youtu.be

In conclusion, intercultural friendships are extremely useful in overcoming social anxieties, ditching stereotypes, increasing cultural awareness and establishing meaningful connections with people you might not have gotten to know. I'd like to wrap this up with a humorous jab at cultural integration & stereotypes. Thanks, FailBlog!

Works cited:

Martin, J.N., & Nakayama, T.K. (2011). Intercultural Communication in Contexts (5th ed). Boston, MA: McGraw Hill.

Erikson - CAPS #6

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            When discussing friendships, Martin and Nakayama (2012) state that, “as relationships develop in intimacy, friends share more personal and private information.”  College students, like myself, can be heavily influenced by these relationships and friendships because it allows them access to different cultures and in turn they can reflect on their own.  When I came to college four years ago I had a lot of previous exposure to people of different cultures, but none that were especially intimate.  When I was a freshman I met someone named Kyle in my first Communication course and he was unlike anyone I had ever known.  We clicked immediately as we shared our love of music, Chinese food, and laughter.  Kyle is a homosexual and I am a heterosexual, which makes us very different people.   

            Martin and Nakayama discuss a variety of different dialects throughout this chapter, but the differences-similarities dialect fits our particular friendship perfectly. This is when a relationship shares both similarities and differences.  The similarity principal states that people are attracted to others who are similar to them and are cognitively consistent by having intellectual connections that posse the same beliefs and values.  Kyle and I share many similar interests such as: our ages, political views, educational path, and love for boy bands.  We also have very similar personalities that are vivacious, charismatic, and level headed.  When it comes to differences, we definitely have those as well.  For instance, we come from different sexual orientations, religious backgrounds, and families.  Kyle is an only child who grew up in a Catholic household in Catholic schools where I grew up with multiple siblings in public schools and immersed in the Presbyterian Church.   Our core beliefs align in very similar ways, but our sexual orientation and religious beliefs vary.  Although we are so different it is actually very beneficial as that opens the door and promotes a lot of respect for one another. 

            It is obvious that Kyle and I share many similarities and differences.  Our text explains that successful relationships have a balance of differences and similarities (Martin and Nakayama, 2012).  Having all of these aspects throughout our friendship has definitely strengthened the both of us.  By knowing Kyle I have learned a tremendous amount about the LGBTQ community that I don’t think I would have experienced without him.  He has taught me what unconditional love is and most importantly that everyone is equal and should be treated that way.  As it gets close to Thanksgiving I can’t help but be so thankful for Kyle and what he has taught me as it continues to make me a better person.  Intercultural relationships are extremely beneficial and Kyle and I definitely prove this.  

 Check out this video! It won't let me upload the video, but here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUdXt2f29f0

References: 

Martin, J.N., & Nakayama, T.K. (2012). Intercultural Communication in Contexts (6th ed.). Boston, MA: McGraw Hill. 

Pieper CAPS #6

Intercultural Friendships

Before this chapter, I never really considered that different cultures view friendships in different lights.  I completely agree with Martin & Nakayama’s point that we “form friendships with people who are often very similar to ourselves.”  (Martin & Nakayama, 2011, p. 393) That is one aspect that made my response to this blog prompt slightly more difficult.  In our Western culture, we are often prone to develop relationships quickly with strangers with whom we share interests.  Even if these interests do not go beyond mutual friends, similar favorite sports teams, or commonly liked bands.  We often refer to people we recently met and held conversations with about these topics as our “friends.”

In other cultures, people are not so quick to call people their friends.  Creating relationships takes a lot more time and effort, and they “develop only after long and careful scrutiny” (Martin & Nakayama, 2011, p. 394)  In general, it takes longer for people in non-American cultures to let others into their “middle” and “inner circles.”

After having spent the summer overseas in Germany, I was able to relate very well with a couple of the points that Martin & Nakayama made in this chapter.  Though I personally disagree with their assessment that German people take longer than a year to call someone their friend.  I was asked on multiple occasions about some of the ways that I normally strike up conversations.  In particular, I often got weird responses when I asked people how they were doing today.  Some people would simply nod their head as if to acknowledge my question.  Others would simply not respond at all.  

Luckily, I was able to become close enough friends with my roommates in Dresden that I was able to have a conversation about this particular phrase with them.  They asked me if I actually cared about how they were doing when I asked this question.  They thought of it as a superficial question, thinking that I really did not care to know.  I explained to them that the question was a way to stimulate conversation.  That I was looking for a response where they told me their day was going either good or bad, but then to elaborate upon that and tell me WHY it was good or bad.  After that, asking how each other’s day went was a typical greeting amongst us.  

A picture of myself and my German roommates

In my mind, the static-dynamic dialectic is the best way to describe many of my friendships.  A Bob Marley line came to mind when I read about the static-dynamic dialectic.  The line goes “good friends we have had, good friends we’ve lost along the way.” 

There is a relationship I have had with a friend from grade school that could be described in this static-dynamic way.  We have gone in and out of being best friends.  We were very close early on in grade school since we were both boys and played on the same soccer teams.  I remember running around his backyard catching bumble bees (yeah maybe not our smartest move).  Later on in grade school we drifted apart as he became better friends with another group of guys.  Our Catholic grade school labeled his group of friends as the “skaters” and mine as the “jocks.” 

We both attended the same high school but did not become friends until Sophomore year when a mutual friend brought us close again.  We began going to the same parties and hanging out at the same places.  I distinctly remember us being into the same video game (Halo 3), which made our friendship rekindling an easy transition.  From Sophomore year on, we remained extremely good friends.  Hanging out multiple times throughout the week and even getting into what we will call “mischief” together.

Upon graduation, we chose to attend different universities.  He set out for Colorado State and I for UNL.  This obviously affected our friendship.  He was occupied in Colorado while I was in Lincoln.  We would call each other a couple times a semester and catch up for a bit, but we were not talking and seeing each other as much as we did in high school.  Well after a serious of events, he ended up in some trouble and was dire need for someone to talk to and lean on.  It was at that time that I began increasing the number of calls and now we talk regularly.  We shoot each other texts throughout the week.  Show each other funny videos on the internet.  Our friendship is growing again and luckily for me he is returning to Nebraska soon.  I think his and mine relationship is the perfect example of how a relationship ebbs and flows over time.  

References

Martin, J. N., & Nakayama, T. K. (2011). Intercultural communication in contexts (5th ed). Boston, MA: McGraw Hill. 

CAPS Blog 6: LeRoy Ford

Being a minority and coming to Lincoln, Nebraska I knew it was very likely that I would befriend people who were very different than me. And thankfully because of this it has made me into a better person. I grew up in Kansas City, Missouri and lived in a predominantly African American neighborhood and went to a mostly African American high school. However, when growing up I was always taught to be open minded and accept everyone for their differences. I was fully aware that one day I would be put in situations where there wouldn't be a ton of people around that looked like me. And today I’m aware of it and accept it.

When I came to Lincoln one of the first people that I met when I moved in was my friend “Mike” (I changed his name simply because I didn't ask could I put him in this blog). Mike is someone who I typically was not friends with in high school, not intentionally but because there weren't many people like him around where I grew up or went to school. Mike is a 21 year old white male, from very small town Nebraska, conservative catholic religion, and considers himself heterosexual ( I say considers himself heterosexual because upon meeting him others may think otherwise).  I am a 21 year old African American male, from big city Missouri, moderate Baptist Christian religion, and heterosexual. So initially on the surface we appeared to be very different people. I think the situation of us both being new to Lincoln and from different environments is what initiated our desire to become friends.
            Throughout our freshman year we became pretty good friends. So good in fact that Mike invited me a long with a couple other friends to his hometown which consisted of only 400 people. Out of the other friends that went along, one was a Hispanic female and the other was a white female. With the experience of going to Mike’s hometown we definitely experienced the Cultural-Individual dialectic. Going to his hometown I was admittedly was very apprehensive because I have all of my preconceived notions of how it was going to be. I had many thoughts running through my mind such as will they accept me because I’m black? Will I be welcomed into the town? And many others. When I arrived to his hometown I was immediately taken aback by how tiny his town was. There was no stoplights and only 4 total stop signs. This was something totally different that I experienced in big city Kansas City. Also, he didn’t have any immediate neighbors by his farm. They never locked any of their doors to their home and actually even left their car keys inside of their unlocked cars. I quickly came to realize that his was simple the culture of his town. They didn't have to worry about theft or anything because everyone literally knew everyone else in the town and everyone looked out for one another. And proudly I can say I was welcomed very warmly by the inhabitants of the tow, However, I had one of Mike’s friend say to me “Believe it or not, but you are literally the first black person that I have seen in person”. This person had never left this town which is all white, but I was thankful that even without her having prior encounters with African Americans she was one of the sweetest people I've met. That experience taught me so much about people and their culture differences.

Mike and I lived on the same residence hall floor our first two years. So during these two years we were pretty close, by this time there was a group of about 8 of us the hung out together all the time. However during our junior year we ended up moving from the same floor and into different areas. Due to this change it sort of changed the dynamic of our friendship. I wouldn't consider us to be as close as we were during those first two years. We would grab lunch regularly as well as hangout out. Now however we see each other and it’s sort of like a hi and bye type thing where occasionally we will stop and catch up with each other. This part of our friendship is where I would agree with the book when it talks about how African Americans tend to expect long term friendships with people. I agree with this because once our friendship started to dissolve I started think about how he took us to his family’s home for a weekend. And personally my friends don’t spend time with my family unless I know they are sticking around for a long time. So I saw how our friendship related to the book how friendships can end quickly or change quickly. But when it’s all said and done we will still consider each other friends today. But I have learned to see how the dynamics of intercultural friendships can change depending on the culture.

Below is just a picture depicting friendship among different cultures.

Stiens- Caps Blog #6

Friendship provides us with individuals to share feelings or experiences with but friendships are also in place for us to learn. Many people are friends with those who are similar to them whether it is in background, beliefs, or personality but in coming to college I have found that while it is important to have those you can relate to, it is also important to be friends with those different from yourself. It helps you to expand your knowledge and open your eyes to different views of life.

            When thinking about a friend to compare myself to the dialectic that was kept coming to mind was the differences-similarities dialectic. To describe myself I would say that I am a female. I am 21 years old. I grew up on a farm in Missouri. I am a junior in college. I am Catholic. My personality is not super outgoing but I am also not shy either. I will speak my mind when necessary.  I am a very focused and determined person who works very hard to achieve my goals. To describe my friend I would say that she is also a female. She is also 21 years old. She grew up near Omaha, Nebraska. She is a senior in college. She does not affiliate herself with a particular church. Her personality is super outgoing. She can go up and talk to anyone. However she is more of a people pleaser than I am. She is also very determined and works hard to achieve her goals. The obvious things we have in common are our gender, age, and determination. We are also similar in that we both believe in God and work hard to achieve our goals. However we have our differences, especially in personality. She is different from me in that she was raised in a completely different environment and we were raised with different work ethics. I am super focused where she is more likely to be relaxed. She is very outgoing where I am a little more reserved. Both of our personalities work together so that we can be friends because each of us has certain traits that can offset the other and we can both learn from each other.

            When first forming our friendship, I am going to be honest, I was a little hesitant. I saw her as having no similarities to myself. She was from a city, I was from the country. She was a social butterfly and I was not. However, the more time I spent around her I found out that we actually had a lot in common. We have the same mindset when it comes to accomplishing goals. We have the same drive and determination to achieve something. I have learned how to be more outgoing by being around her. And she has taught me to not judge a book by its cover because she and I have become best friends even with our differences. The way I look at it is if we were only friends with people who had the same views and personalities as ourselves and didn’t have any differences, conversation would be boring. We would never have great discussions which help us to grow and learn as people.

Below is a clip from the TV series, The Big Bang Theory, which puts a comic spin on how to make friends and suggests that sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone to become friends with new people.